Trucking

Having several chronic illnesses, I see several health care providers, pretty often. And having a background of being hurt, thus pretty major trust issues, I require them to be not just good, and competent, but awesome.

Through referrals, research, and I think a lot of luck, the people I see regularly, are indeed awesome. I am especially fond of my GYN nurse practitioner, Beverly.

When my primary care doctor two years ago, Dr. Birdsong, thought I had interstitial cystitis, she referred me to a urogynecologist. I had an okay first visit, but the second, well, I think I caught her on a bad day. Anyway, one day when I'd started going to that clinic, I was in an insane amount of pain. Desperate. Called them, and Beverly was available.

I have a pretty good ability to judge people when I meet them. Beverly wanted to help me that first time, because I was hurting, but she didn't push me. She asked me if she could touch me through my clothes. And I agreed to let her do a pelvic exam, because it would help her help me. She was incredibly gentle, and helped me get out of pain. I was boggled that I did that, trusted someone so much that I just met.

I started seeing her for my IC, and then my GYN stuff. And she has helped me so much. Physically- I now have a Mirena after years of trying different BC pills, and I'm starting to think my IC may finally be controllable. And emotionally? I don't know how the woman does what she does. She knows my major life events, and I've told her stuff about my body that I didn't think I could tell anyone but Shannon.

Thursday I had another bladder instillation done, because the one last week helped. I got back really fast this time, kinda wanted more time to mentally prepare myself. And while she's doing it, she's talking to me, and I'm actually able to talk back, make conversation. Even though it hurts this time.

Beverly told me to lie there and let the solution "soothe my bladder" for a while. Which felt good actually. Then I went in her office to talk to her, told her I felt like I had a yeast infection but I wasn't sure. She said, "I wish you'd told me that while we were in there cause I could have done a culture." "Well, if that's what you need to do..." "Are you sure?" "Yeah, okay."

So, surprising myself, I went back in the same room, and took my pants off again, and got back in the same position again. I had my eyes closed, because I didn't want to watch what Beverly was doing, and I didn't know what else to look at. I was kinda freaking out. I went, "What are you putting in me?" and Beverly went, bringing me back, "Nettie. Look at it. Look at it. It's just a Q-tip."

I saw an OB-GYN MD before I saw Beverly, who was pretty good with me. From what I've heard, I don't think she's as good with everybody. I think my personality helps people be empathetic- they can tell I'm a survivor and they want to help. And I'm also smart, and funny, and generally awesome. I was eventually able to tell that GYN I was a survivor, and other things.

But Beverly is different. My first GYN I would have gone, I already let you examine me once, no way in hell you're doing it twice in one day. I know some of that is me changing, also. When Beverly talks to me, she knows to pat me on the knee or shoulder. I make her laugh. When I ask her for hugs, she likes giving them to me. She tells me she misses me now that I've moved. And often, how much I've improved, and that she's proud of me.

Shannon says that women's health specialists are close to therapists. Now that I wrote that, I realized that just as Shannon will never judge me, Beverly won't either. Which is important as we keep working together to best treat my IC, and me.

Beverly made a point to say that while she was glad we found a treatment "that you like" -"I wouldn't say like!" it was up to me when to get the instillations, how often, that she'd do it whenever I felt comfortable doing it. Putting me in control, in charge.

I am a control freak. I have to give up control when she's examining me and now, giving me treatments. And I don't think that will ever be easy, or not scary. But when I'm giving control to Beverly, I think it's okay.

I know my boundaries. I don't want to be her friend. And even though I think mailVU could improve every business I come across, I don't want to do that either. I am just so freaking lucky, and grateful, to have the relationship with her that I do. Because she rocks. (And so do I. I do!)